Update 3/4/24 - Meeting with my oncologist

More of the appointment was spent discussing the future without treatment than was spent discussing treatment. On one hand, the cancer was controlled with treatment. On the other hand, the cancer is progressing. 

The range I was given was one month to six months, but she would not give me anything except history for treatment.

This means a shift in treatment strategy. I am under hospice now. There is a "DNR" order in place. That seemed to be the most difficult part for Candace. Perhaps, it was just in the timing of things, but she was noticeably upset when the DNR order was spoken about.

It is about the quality of my life, from now on. The oncologist and I have a telephone appointment in a month. She wants to make certain the transition went smoothly, and that she is doing what she can to accommodate a smooth transition. 

I weighed in at 144 pounds. My low point was about 140 pounds. 

Candace is providing support more and more. Erin has been really supportive also. 

Thank you for caring!

Update 2/28/24 - Blood draw and body scan completed

I went on Tuesday for my blood draws and body scan. Candace pushed me around in a wheelchair for the first time. 

We went to Fred Hutchinson after the VA. They are doing genetics work, which will benefit my children more than it will benefit me. It was crazy in there!

I have had a rough couple of days. I feel better today, but better than rough is still below par. 

The girls are standing by. Their concern concerns me. 

I am still losing weight. I am at 144 pounds now. 

I meet with my oncologist on Monday. I expect we will be talking about pain management more than recovery.

The picture is circa 2017. Mr. Grumpy died in 2019 at the age of five. 

Thank you for caring! 

Update 2/22/24 - Negative changes feeling normal

I weighed in today at 147 pounds, which is well below the 155 to 160 pounds that I've targeted for my weight. It may not seem like much, but to me it feels normal. 

I told my daughter about it. She asked if I've eaten. After some thought about it, I had to admit to not eating that day. However, I wasn't hungry. It felt normal to me. I will consciously need to eat just for calories. I had some pudding after that.

I will know more medically over the next two weeks. My blood draw and body scan are scheduled for Tuesday, and a meeting with my oncologist to learn the findings is the following Monday. 

I expect she will tell me that the cancer has progressed. She will tell me what to expect with and without treatment. We will likely discuss pain management more than recovery. It seems like an easy choice to control the pain; however, switching to narcotics means the end to driving. 

Anyway, weight was one of the most important things to watch for consistency, and it has slipped noticeably. I'm off to get something to eat. 

Update 1/23/24 - Change of treatment brings uneasy calmness

Now that my plans have become clearer after talking to my retiring psychiatrist, I find myself calm, but just a bit uneasy, about changing my attitude about other things. The revelation that I am done spending time and money trying not to die has freed my mind from the agony of talking to my oncologist about where things are at. It doesn't matter where things are at; I accept my fate.

The uneasiness is really more about how to spend my time. I have found that the time spent fretting my decision, plus that seasonal coldness bittered my thoughts for a month or so about going outside to do things, took up a great deal of time and energy. 

I am seeing some sun, and the temperature is around 50 degrees, so I don't feel like going somewhere requires the bundling that it did a week ago. It seems like less of a chore today.

As it stands, I weigh 155 pounds. I still need to eat, so that is fine. My appointment with my oncologist is pushed back to March 4th at my request. 

My next appointment is for another injection on Valentine's Day. I meet with a new mental health doctor in March a few days after meeting with my oncologist. It adds up to a bit of uneasiness, but it is calm and not tumultuous uneasiness!

Thank you for caring!

Update 12/11/23 - Taking a break from chemo

The news from the oncologist was mostly good news. The tumors in both my liver and my pancreas are shrinking. There was a vein they noticed was constricting. The oncologist is putting me on a blood thinner to deal with its potential constriction.

After discussing various options, we decided to go another month without chemo. That will be a three-month break. At that time, we will do another scan and discuss how to move forward with treatment.

I think my weight is up a bit, probably to 150 or 160. Everything is looking good.

My next appointment is with a podiatrist on December 18th. Until then, I will just keep getting things done.

Update 12/5/23 - Scan is done.

The scan was done today. The results will go to my oncologist. I presume we will talk before my next chemo appointment on December 19th.

It was a rainy day, but traffic was decent. I will know more soon, and then you will know more soon after that!

Thank you for caring!

Update 11/27/23 - Scan was postponed

The scan that was scheduled for November 22nd has been postponed. My next appointment is for my chemotherapy treatment on December 5th.

I appreciate the concern you all have shown to me. However, things change as things always do. 

Thank you to Lori O'Brien for asking about the scan. I will let you know what I hear after I talk to the doctor.