Update 1/23/24 - Change of treatment brings uneasy calmness

Now that my plans have become clearer after talking to my retiring psychiatrist, I find myself calm, but just a bit uneasy, about changing my attitude about other things. The revelation that I am done spending time and money trying not to die has freed my mind from the agony of talking to my oncologist about where things are at. It doesn't matter where things are at; I accept my fate.

The uneasiness is really more about how to spend my time. I have found that the time spent fretting my decision, plus that seasonal coldness bittered my thoughts for a month or so about going outside to do things, took up a great deal of time and energy. 

I am seeing some sun, and the temperature is around 50 degrees, so I don't feel like going somewhere requires the bundling that it did a week ago. It seems like less of a chore today.

As it stands, I weigh 155 pounds. I still need to eat, so that is fine. My appointment with my oncologist is pushed back to March 4th at my request. 

My next appointment is for another injection on Valentine's Day. I meet with a new mental health doctor in March a few days after meeting with my oncologist. It adds up to a bit of uneasiness, but it is calm and not tumultuous uneasiness!

Thank you for caring!