Update 3/13/24 - Some thoughts and prayers

My first thoughts go out to my daughters who have given so much of their lives to make my days better. I never thought I could be prouder of my children, but I was wrong.

My next thought is for Tim. He sent me a private message about the end-of-life experience his wife had, in particular with treatments taking away her quality-of-life. 

That was a thought I had. If there is no measurable longevity difference, the treatments seem like work, only I pay for the obligations to be there two to three times per month. My doctor didn't agree or disagree. She listened and took it into account. 

My first prayer goes out to my daughter's friend, Danica, who lost her mom recently. I don't know what happened, but, from my perspective, it was sudden and tragic. May she find peace in the memories she is left with. 

My second prayer goes out to Chris. He took a tumble at a store recently and injured his shin. I pray that he recognizes that phone calls may be in the works for a while, but I want to stay in touch even if it doesn't include visits for a while.

To those who are praying for me, please stop asking for time and pray for a smooth transition instead. It would be much better for me to choke on food or die from a heart attack than it would be to get two extra weeks while I starve to death. 

I understand that it may not be normal to wish for someone to die quickly, but I hope you understand that I don't want to suffer long enough for the cancer to take me. 

In any case, thank you for caring. 

Update 3/4/24 - Meeting with my oncologist

More of the appointment was spent discussing the future without treatment than was spent discussing treatment. On one hand, the cancer was controlled with treatment. On the other hand, the cancer is progressing. 

The range I was given was one month to six months, but she would not give me anything except history for treatment.

This means a shift in treatment strategy. I am under hospice now. There is a "DNR" order in place. That seemed to be the most difficult part for Candace. Perhaps, it was just in the timing of things, but she was noticeably upset when the DNR order was spoken about.

It is about the quality of my life, from now on. The oncologist and I have a telephone appointment in a month. She wants to make certain the transition went smoothly, and that she is doing what she can to accommodate a smooth transition. 

I weighed in at 144 pounds. My low point was about 140 pounds. 

Candace is providing support more and more. Erin has been really supportive also. 

Thank you for caring!